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Kobe Bryant's New Nike Ad and Kendrick Perkins's Epic Failure

Posted on January 20, 2013 at 7:55 PM

Following the announcement that Kobe Bryant would start in his 15th consecutive All-Star Game come February, Nike unveiled one of the most creative sports advertisements that I can remember (up there with McDonald’s "The Showdown" commercial with Larry Bird and Michael Jordan, the NBA on TNT’s “Forever” promo, and the NBA on ESPN’s "Jeff Van Gundy adjusts Amare Stoudemire's seat" spot:


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The only bad part is the narrator’s voice. This commercial would have been approximately 24 times more awesome with Morgan Freeman… just sayin’. Anyway, my favorite moment is the defender cookies at the 22-second mark, which snap at the ankles when the cookie tray hits the table. If you pause the video, you will also see a recipe for “Kobe Bryant’s ‘Ankle Snaps,’” with non-vanilla dunk extract and all-purpose clutch flour being my favorite ingredients.

One can get very creative when rewriting the script for this commerical. How about this (bolded words are the ones I made up):



This is how the world works.

The sun shines,

The grass grows,

Demarcus Cousins arrives to practice at 3 (AM)… the other 3.

Chickens “bock” “bock” “bock,”

Broccoli can fight cancer,

Rice and Kenneth Faried provide energy,

Eddy Curry and Boris Diaw eat rice, broccoli, chickens… and everything else they want to eat.

Andrew Bynum gets injured, Dwight Howard misses free throws,

And the world turns.

Earthquakes shake,

Bakers bake,

Chris Paul shakes and bakes Darius Morris.

Philosohpers ponder existence,

Nuggets' Coach George Karl ponders why Javale McGee just tried to dunk from the free throw line.

Rain falls,


Amaré Stoudemire’s trade value falls.

Eagles soar through the air, J.J. Hickson soars over Alonzo Gee.

Pigs are dirty, Dwyane Wade plays dirty.

Best is ahead of better,

The basket is ahead of the ball,

Kobe Bryant is ahead of them all,

And Jan Vesely is behind them all.

This is the way it was,

This is the way it is,

This is the way it will be.





Real quick, here are the good, the bad, and the ugly from this past week in the NBA:


The Good: Josh Smith posterizes Brook Lopez

Ish Smith jumps over John Wall and then blocks his shot


The Bad: Kendrick Perkins forgets which team he's on. 


The Ugly: The NBA fans’ selections for the All-Star Game starters - Check back tomorrow for an article about why the fans got it wrong and what Kobe Bryant is doing this season that is truely amazing. 

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Reply Emani
10:27 AM on January 22, 2013 
Lev, another great post. Can't wait to hear what you think about the Lakers performance so far this season.
Reply [email protected]
5:06 PM on January 21, 2013 
Very cool, clever (the Nike ad) and amusing (your version)!