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Top 10 Turkeys of the NBA Season

Posted on November 23, 2012 at 5:05 PM

10. New York Knicks’ fans who wanted to resign Jeremy Lin 

There were plenty of Knicks’ fans, myself not included, who wanted New York to resign Lin for $8.5 million per year after his breakout season. But if any Knicks’ fan tells you today that he’d rather have Jeremy Lin than free-agent acquisitions Jason Kidd, Raymond Felton, Rasheed Wallace, and Ronnie Brewer (making $8.77 million this year combined), that person is lying. Maybe from a business standpoint Lin is a worthwhile asset for selling merchandise and gaining an international fan base, but from a basketball standpoint, he’s unproven, he’s already had knee surgery at age 23, and he can’t shoot (34% from the field, 23% on threes). As for the Knicks, surrounding Carmelo Anthony with smart, team-oriented players such as Kidd, Felton, Brewer, and Wallace, has made ‘Melo a much better ball player. I cannot say enough about Jason Kidd. From passing up open threes so that someone else can shoot a wide-open three, to those plays where he comes out of the paint with the ball without jumping while surrounded by four big guys, to his ability to get ‘Melo the ball in the right spots, you simply can’t quantify his value.


9. Jonas Valanciunas 

Valanciunas isn’t a turkey because he got dunked on by Kevin Durant, he’s on this list because he ducked out of the way. You’re 7’0’’ tall! Get your hands up, and at least try to block the shot.

8. Free Throw Shooting

There’s absolutely no excuse for professional basketball players to shoot under 50% from the free throw line when they’re getting paid millions of dollars to do nothing but be good at basketball (I’m talking to you, Josh Smith (40%), Deandre Jordan (47%), and Dwight Howard (49%) ). It would be like if Mark Sanchez got paid $58 million to throw a football and he couldn’t throw…

7. Reggie Evans and Donald Sloan

The league put together a six-minute long video before the season telling players not to flop, and yet these two guys still seem to think a basketball court is a proper place for practicing ballet moves (Click on the players' names to see their flops).

6. The Indiana Pacers 

Anyone else remember when after game 3 of the Eastern Conference semi-finals the Pacers were up 2-1 on the Miami Heat, Chris Bosh was injured, it looked like Lebron James was going to choke again, and people were chalking the Pacers into the NBA Finals? Ever since that moment, Indiana’s been in massive free fall. They’ve guaranteed $58.35 million dollars over the next four years to the one and only Roy Hibbert (averaging 9.5 points and 8.5 rebounds per game) and $24 million over the next two years to Danny Granger (out for three months with a sore left knee, was probably the most overpaid player in the league pre-injury, and is definitely the most overpaid player in the league post-injury). Additionally, D.J. Augustin, Indiana’s replacement for Darren Collison, is shooting an abysmal 23% from the field while Collison is enjoying a career-year in Dallas.

Speaking of career-years in Dallas, O.J. Mayo has made 42 of his 74 three-point attempts, and is first in the league in both made threes and three-point percentage among players attempting at least two per game. Also having resurgent season is Tim Duncan, averaging a whopping 21.3 points, 12.2 rebounds, and 2.9 blocks per 36 minutes in his sixteenth NBA season.

5. Lamar Odom 

Just 27 months ago he was a starter for the USA at the FIBA World Basketball Championships. Now, he’s averaging 1.8 points per game on 23% shooting and is getting paid $8.2 million to do it. Can somebody please find him a Chinese league to play in?

4. The Washington Wizards 

They are 0-10. Last season they started 0-8. Four of their five starters are shooting below 40% from the field. Their best healthy player is most likely Kevin Seraphin. Jan Vesely, their #6 overall draft pick from 2011, is averaging more fouls than points. In the offseason, they made one of the worst trades ever made by swapping a solid player in Rashard Lewis for Emeka Okafor, who is making $13.5 million to shoot 39% from the floor (unbelievably low for a guy who literally only attempts dunks).


3. Andrew Bynum 

The only feats he has accomplished since being traded to the Philadelphia 76ers are as follows: Injuring himself while bowling (cannot be a good sign going forward), pulling of the third worst hairdo in NBA history, pulling off the second worst hairdo in NBA history, and pulling off the worst hairdo in NBA history. Actually, “haridon’t” would be a much more appropriate name.

2. Mike Brown

We can now add being fired five games into a season to the list of things that Mike Brown, and only Mike Brown, could accomplish. This will join feats such as (1) beating out Phil Jackson and Doc Rivers for NBA Coach of the Year in 2009 by doing absolutely nothing all year (2) becoming the only person on the planet who could figure out how to stop Lebron James without even stepping onto the court (3) coaching the first team in NBA history to win 60+ games in back-to-back seasons and fail to make the Finals (4) getting fired by the Cavaliers after going 61-21 solely because Cleveland thought Lebron world resign with them if Brown wasn’t involved (5) making Kobe Bryant seriously consider murdering his own coach.

1. Mark Sanchez

I know this is a basketball blog, but this play from last night's game may have been the worst play in the history of the NFL. It would have been funny if it was Charlie Brown in a cartoon, but it wasn't. It was a professional athlete. 

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Categories: Top 10

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Reply Lev to Loren
7:58 PM on December 1, 2012 
Agreed, the straightened afro is a mess, but the afro in #2 is so big that it barely fits in the picture, and in #1 it looks like Bynum hasn't showered since he arrived in Philly.
Reply Lev to Seth
7:56 PM on December 1, 2012 
This might be up for Comment of the Year
Reply Loren
7:44 PM on November 25, 2012 
Ok, Bynum's "third-worst hairdo" should've taken first place by a landslide -- who takes a straightener to an afro?!?!??
Reply Seth
4:49 PM on November 25, 2012 
This piece is very funny, but you malign Sanchez unfairly -- He can pass just not less than 5 yards or more than 15 yards -- in between his completion percentage must be close to below average, at least. Running his face into his guard's rear end -- that's another story.
6:39 PM on November 23, 2012 
This is fabulous! All funny - but nos. 8, 7 and 1 are my favorites.